Cassandra_Prime:stapler
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Item #: SCP-XXXX ( try to get 7336 or 7337)

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is just sitting on Accounting Assistant Kaye Clementine's desk and you just have to deal with it, honestly.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a red stapler in Site-8's Accounting Offices.

Some people, like, Accounting Assistant Kaye Clementine, have thoughtlessly chosen to staple their fingers with SCP-XXXX in order to stave off boredom.

Those people should do their work instead.

Over time, SCP-XXXX will need to have its staples replaced and new boxes of stapples will have to be ordered. This requires space in SCP Foundation delivery vehicles. These vehicles require drivers, gas, loading, unloading, regular maintenance, and logistical planning.

These are all things that require funding.
These funds must be allocated.
This allocation of funds requires funding.

This is the job of the Site-8 Accounting Department.

Due to the revenue lost to unforseen staple expenditure, the containment of SCP-XXXX will not be updated, as the purchase of a replacement item would cause Site-8 to exceed its budget, as allocated by the SCP Foundation Accounting Department.

To facilitate accounting productivity, Site 8 accountants have been given access to Accounting Assistant Clementine's desk and personal items.

Addendum 6337-1 (Discovery): SCP-6337 was discovered after Senior Researcher Hoya entered the break room and inferred that it was a corpse.

2007-12-26 7:12 AM
[Senior Researcher Hoya enters the break room. SCP-6337 is seated at one of the tables. Its face is buried inside a chocolate cake.]
Hoya: What are you doing? You can't sleep here.
Hoya: Hello?
[Senior Researcher Hoya approaches SCP-6337 and claps 23 times.]
Hoya: Oh, it's a corpse.
[Senior Researcher Hoya leaves.]

Addendum 6337-2 (Observation): SCP-6337 was observed by SCP staff.

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2007-12-26 9:51 AM
[Senior Researcher Hoya and Agent Xuan enter the break room. They are each carrying a plate of food. SCP-6337 is seated at one of the tables. Its face is inside a chocolate cake.]
Xuan: The, um, the lights. If you point a camera at them, you can see lines crawling down the room.
Hoya: Uh huh.
Xuan: Haven't you seen that before?
[Senior Researcher Hoya takes a seat at an empty table. Agent Xuan pulls the chair opposite to her but accidentally snags the tarp off SCP-6337.]
Xuan: Oh, sorry.
[Agent Xuan smiles politely at SCP-6337 then sits down.]
Xuan: So I'm wondering if — the same thing happens when you look at ceiling fans, right? Does that mean fluorescent lights blink really, really fast all the time?
Hoya: TV screens also do the same thing.
Xuan: Because they're on a set frame rate, right? But why do lights need to do that?
Hoya: I don't know? It saves money, I think.
[SCP-6337 slowly lifts its head.]
SCP-6337: Ugh…
Xuan: How much money would that actually save over a long period of time?
Hoya: Um, it adds up, probably. It's probably cheap to make them do that, so it saves them more money than it costs.
Xuan: Weird.
Hoya: Yeah.
[Five minutes pass.]
Hoya: I found a pregnant cat under a train.
Xuan: Oh, nice.
[Senior Researcher Hoya and Agent Xuan continue eating.]

Addendum 6337-3 (Findings): At noon, Site 8 researchers convened to discuss their findings. After a brief meeting, several action plans were presented.

Author: Senior Researcher Hoya
Proposal: Subject SCP-6337 to the water cycle by putting it in a river.
Result: Denied due to environmental concerns.

Author: Containment Officer Camelia
Proposal: Bury SCP-6337 with its liquor collection to honor its interests in life.
Result: Denied due to promotion of immoral behaviors.

Author: Ethics Committee Official Petrie
Proposal: Cast SCP-6337 in cement to commemorate its existence.
Result: Approved.

Addendum 6337-4 (Results): Local blacksmiths were invited to the Site 8 break room. They placed SCP-6337 inside a plaster cast and poured wax on it to create a mold. However, midway through this process, SCP-6337 woke up. This is a log of the interaction

2007-12-26 12:39 PM
[Blacksmith Herbert pours wax on top of SCP-6337. It wakes up and starts yelling.]
SCP-6337: What the!?
[Wax fills SCP-6337's mouth. It stops moving after a while.]

The resulting mold was used to create a concrete statue of SCP-6337. It was placed in the Site 8 break room to commemorate SCP-6337's existence.

Staff are encouraged to visit the statue while they are on break and reflect on their life.

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