rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: The town of Agloe, New York, and the surrounding 15km must be completely evacuated of all life and kept barren except for foundation research bases. Any Foundation bases set up within a 15km radius of SCP-XXXX must be built to withstand at a minimum of 3 simultaneous nuclear detonations. Any attempt to contact PoI-4672-1 and PoI-4672-2 are not be allowed under any circumstance unless necessary to the survival of humanity.

Any unauthorized persons attempting to enter within 15km of SCP-XXXX must be shot on sight, and any knowledge of the said person is to be amnestied out of all people.

Any new weapon or tactic detected in SCP-XXXX is to be logged and studied. Replication of and use of SCP-XXXX's weaponry is under consideration by the O5 council.

Description: SCP-XXXX is the designation given to the conflict between 2 pizza parlors based in the municipality of Agloe, New York. SCP-XXXX is fought using armies of anomalous composition.

SCP-XXXX is fought by 2 pizzerias: Mario's Pizza de Delizioso and Agloe Hot Slice, the military forces of which are designated SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2 respectively. Both restaurants utilize different weaponry and tactics that appear to be based on the theming of the actual restaurants.

SCP-XXXX-1's military force is primarily composed of homunculi made of pizza ingredients such as dough, cheese, and toppings, which comprise the main infantry and cavalry of SCP-XXXX-1. The combat doctrine of SCP-XXXX-1 is similar to the military from the Napoleonic war era, with foot soldiers armed with bayoneted rifles supported by cavalry and artillery. SCP-XXXX-1 is lead by Mario Bianchi, the proprietor of Mario's Pizza de Delizioso1. POI-XXXX-A has animated the forces of SCP-XXXX-1 using unknown anomalous means. Military efforts of SCP-XXXX-1 are typically lead by POI-XXXX-A, who rides into battle on an equine construct and uses anomalous, pizza based abilities to support forces in combat.

SCP-XXXX-2 uses much more modern techniques of battle such as planes and more advanced firearms. SCP-XXXX-2's army and artillery are mainly comprised of drones and robots, all of which being themed around tools and appliances found in a pizzeria, such as pizza cutters and ovens. The owner of SCP-XXXX-2, who has been designated PoI-XXXX-B, also acts as a general for their respective side. PoI-XXXX-B fights using a large mechanical suit of armor modeled after his own appearance and has several pizza-themed weapons affixed to it.

It is currently unknown how SCP-XXXX was started or how SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2 were able to obtain the resources necessary for a conflict of this scale. For further information on this topic, please see document-XXXX-17-A

Addendum: Forces Used in SCP-XXXX

Designation Battlefield Role Description
SCP-XXXX-1-A Infantry Humanoids composed of approximately 37 pizza slices. Used as basic infantry. Typically armed with a flintlock rifle and bayonet2. SCP-XXXX-1-A are extremely flexible in their use, and units have been found equipped with various specialist tools.
SCP-XXXX-2-A Infantry Robotic units similar in design to theropod dinosaurs. Approximately 0.5 meters in height, 1.5 meters in length. Equipped with high powered lasers that are fired out of a single forward-facing optical unit, 3 pizza cutters on each forelimb, and a thagomizer composed of 2 pizza cutters on either side of the tail. All are equipped with a toque blanche3, the purpose of which is unknown.
SCP-XXXX-2-B Specialist infantry Humanoid robots. 1.5 meters in height. Normally equipped with various types of handheld weaponry. Used as strike teams or to man SCP-XXXX-2 armor. Equipped with a toque blanche. Commanding models posses antennae arranged into an approximation of facial hair.
SCP-XXXX-1-B Bioweapon A collection of animate pizza slices. Slices are capable of flight through unknown means and fly in a manner reminiscent of schools of fish. SCP-XXXX-1-B typically contains 30-40 slices of pizza in a single group, with the highest number recorded being 68. When a member of SCP-XXXX-2 is spotted, a member of SCP-XXXX-1-B will divebomb their chosen target, exploding upon impact. It is unknown how SCP-XXXX-1-B is able to explode.
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Document-XXXX-17-A: The following is documentation recovered from SCP-XXXX pertaining to its creation and existence.

Ideas and themes:

Concept: 2 rival pizza places have reached atomic arms race
Main idea: Insane military arms race
Tone: Tragic or ridiculous
Tragic: Both competitors have wasted their lives on this fight an neither want to continue, but the cant stop and let the other wi, so they just carry one. They've sacrificed literally everything over this. they've killed close friends and pets and broken almost every law, and become the slime scrapped of the scum scraped off the face of the Earth, but they just. Keep. Going.
Ridiculous: Both competitors have gone off the deep and have basically become pizza Dr. Eggmans. They make crazy war robots themed around pizza and it's all silly and goofy.