Whose Mind is it Anyway?

Aisha Tyler: Hello everybody, and welcome to "Whose Mind is it Anyway"! On tonight's show:
Literally a demon since 17 quadrillion BCE, it's Simpson Elmsly!

Camera zooms in on Simpson Elmsly, stand up comic and ancient lovecraftian horror of unspeakable terror, currently disguised as a middle-aged male human.

Aisha Tyler: Literally a god since 1998, it's Nathan Pierce!

Camera zooms in on Nathan Pierce, former GAW member turned actor, and low-level reality bender.

Aisha Tyler: Literally incomprehensible since…

Camera feed cuts out momentarily.

Aisha Tyler: And literally bald since 1872, it's Colin Mochrie!

Camera zooms in on Colin Mochrie, elderly comedian and otherwise non-anomalous human.

Aisha Tyler: And I'm Aisha Tyler, let's make some stuff up!!!

A drum riff plays as Aisha Tyler runs down through the applauding audience into her seat next to the stage. All four three of the comics are on stage, sitting in a row of chairs.

Aisha Tyler: Welcome back to "Who's Mind Is It Anyway?" The show where the jokes are memetic and the points, they do not exist. We've got an unspeakable show for you tonight, so we're going to get right into it with a game we like to call "Getting Ready". For this one I need Simpson and Colin, come on up.

Simpson and Colin walk to the front of the stage. Aisha reads off of a piece of paper.

Aisha Tyler: In "Getting Ready", Simpson and Colin will be a married couple getting ready for the day at the same time. Simpson: You'll be a grumpy homovore who works at a beauty salon, and Colin, you're every species of anomalous penguin all at once. And begin!

Simpson and Colin begin pretending to groom themselves in front of an imaginary mirror.

Simpson: (In an over the top Italian accent) Penguiseppe, dear, pass the blush, would you?


Colin flaps his arms rapidly before pretending to belch a burst of acid at Simpson. He than does a handstand, making a motion as if to grab something with his foot and hand it to Simpson.

Simpson: Thank you, deeearrrrr.

Simpson finishes pretending to apply blush, before picking up Colin, opening his maw to over four times the width of his head, and consuming him. Four seconds later, his hand splits in half, and Colin emerges unscathed.

Colin: Quack

Aisha Tyler: Next up, we have a game called Scenes from a Hat! This is for all four three of you, come on down! Before the show, we asked the audience for scenes that they want to see our performers act out. We took all of the non-cognitohazardous suggestions, and placed them all in this hat. Let's get started!

Aisha pulls out a pink hat and draws a piece of paper.

Aisha: Things you can say about the SCP Foundation, but not your partner.

Colin walks to the centre of the stage.


Aisha: The lesser known anomalous organizations.

Nathan walks to the centre of the stage.


Aisha Tyler: Now we move onto a game called Let's Make a Date! This is for all four of you. The way this works is that Simpson will be looking for love on a dating show, but his three choices, played by the other performers, all have some crazy quirk written on a card, which Simpson needs to figure out. None of our performers have seen what is on the cards before right now. Whenever you're ready, begin.

Simpson: Bachelor number one…

'A member of the Serpent's Hand' is shown on screen.
'dado' is shown on screen.