Work Sucks, I Know
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1/QUIT-J LEVEL 1/QUIT-J
CLASSIFIED
classified-lv1.svg
Item #: SCP-QUIT-J
Pending

Special Containment Procedures

The Foundation Security Department and the Containment Division are currently postulating a method of moving and containing SCP-QUIT-J-1.

Damage estimates indicate that 19% of the ground level of Site-34 is currently under SCP-QUIT-J-1. Site-34 is to remain on lockdown; all safe class anomalies are being transported off-site to the nearest containment facility, Site-51. The Containment Division will consider the possibilty of relocating more high-risk anomalies as the situation develops.

The neutralization of SCP-QUIT-J-1 is currently pending O5 approval.

Description

SCP-QUIT-J is an unexplained event that led to the creation of a large organic mass composed of two ovoid structures (designated SCP-QUIT-J-1) in the parking lot of Site-34. At 08:00 GMT on 22 Sep 2020 01:12, the following file was uploaded to the SCP Main-List Database:

Item #: SCP-I-QUIT

Object Class: Self Termination

Special Containment Procedures: Dr. Richard Hess is to write and deliver a letter of resignation to the office of the pompous Site Director Forster. Upon delivering the file, Dr. Hess is to flip off the Site Director, before telling him to go fuck himself. Once complete, Dr. Hess will exit the facility and never return.

Description: The last promotion review detailed Dr. Hess as, "lacking the assertive nature required for supervisory positions." Well how's this for assertive: I quit fuckers! This has been an eye-opening shit show of a job and I'm done. My work has been constantly belittled regardless of the results; this sheer lack of respect is blatantly biased and downright unfair. I get all the shit jobs with no consideration to my actually ability. Time and time again I've been overlooked for promotions, just so some kiss-ass can get ahead. Don't get me started on the consistent ridiculous pranks, cellophane on my toilet, the Medical Team replaced my blood with cherry kool-aide, and let's not forgot when the Parazoo Department put that goddamn goat in my office. Well fuck this, I'll go get a job at a shit college teaching med students basic biology; it'll probably pay more, and at least I won't be knee-deep in human viscera every other day. I'd say it's been nice but, you know, it hasn't.

AdDeNdUmB: You weren't in your office so:

finger

Adiós Bitch.


Also, don't worry about me spilling the beans on whatever meaningless secrets I know, I'm taking amnestics on my way out the door. Gods know I don't want to remember this shit hole.

Following this upload, Dr. Richard Hess was seen exiting Site-34 and approaching his vehicle. Security cameras recorded Dr. Hess unlocking his vehicle before grabbing his groin with a pained expression. After approximately 30 seconds, SCP-QUIT-J-1 rapidly expanded from underneath Dr. Hess, causing him to fall to the ground and crushing him in the process.

Measuring approximately 300 meters, the ovoid structures composing SCP-QUIT-J-1 are loosely covered by a thick layer of epidermis. The epidermis is entirely covered in densely located rhytids. A total of 200 inflamed cuticles are located randomly across the surface. Initial sample analysis revealed a 100% DNA match to Dr. Hess and a testosterone level of 20,000 nanograms per deciliter, well above average for a baseline human male.