Hello my name is The Crimson Horror but you can call me David

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-XXXX is a string of numbers with a length of roughly 4e82.0642798230 digits. When entered into any device capable of inputting and outputting an audio signal, the device will connect to an automated messaging system in an unknown language and require user input to continue the call. For information as to the contents of the call, please see Addendum 01. When correct inputs are entered, the line connects to an entity corespondent, hereby referred to as SCP-XXXX-1, in an unknown location. Limited testing with SCP-XXXX-1 may be found in Addenda 02-04.

Addendum 01: Automated response

Note: When understandable, SCP-XXXX-1 and the automated response system speak in Mandarin Chinese. For the purposes of this document, all transcripts have been translated into English.

SCP-XXXX is entered into the terminal.

Automated Response: [Unintelligible]

The automated response continues to be unintelligible for seven hours and thirteen minutes.

Automated Response: For Mandarin Chinese, press 6,505

Automated Response: [Unintelligible]

6 5 0 5 is entered into the terminal.

Automated Response: Please state your species. For [Cognitohazard Removed] press 1. For [Cognitohazard Removed] press 2. For [Cognitohazard Removed] press 3. For homo sapiens sapiens press 4. For sciurus carolinensis press 5. For other options press 6.

4 is entered into the terminal.

Automated Response: Please hold while your call is connected.

Cognitohazardous audio plays for a variable amount of time, after which the line connects to SCP-XXXX-1. For transcripts of testing with SCP-XXXX-1, see Addenda 02-04.

Addendum 02: Initial call

The following interaction was recorded by Researcher Shei Kim, a linguistics expert who had been called in to translate the Mandarin from the automated response to SCP-XXXX. The call was unscripted, as it was the Foundation's first interaction with SCP-XXXX-1.

SCP-XXXX is entered into the terminal and the Automated Response sequence is completed, after which the line connects to SCP-XXXX-1.

SCP-XXXX-1: Hello, my name is The Crimson Horror, but you can call me David. How are we today?

Researcher Kim: Oh… hi David. My name is Shei.

SCP-XXXX-1: Hello Shei. It says you're calling from Earth, is that correct?

Researcher Kim: Yes.

SCP-XXXX-1: How is The Milky Way right now? I've never been myself but I've heard it's beautiful.

Researcher Kim: Uh… yeah, it's good. Really good.

SCP-XXXX-1: Glad to hear it, Shei. Now, what seems to be the issue?

Researcher Kim: Issue?

SCP-XXXX-1: What is the purpose of your call?

Researcher Kim: Oh… uhh… just… checking in.

SCP-XXXX-1: I see, would you like a general overview, or do you want to check the account history?

Researcher Kim: I… why don't you give me a general overview.

SCP-XXXX-1: Sure thing. Give me a moment to pull it up.

Various sounds such as typing, creaking, and omnidirectional whooshing can be heard.

SCP-XXXX-1: Alrighty Shei, it says here everything is fairly standard at the moment. No new issues are being reported, according to the system.

Researcher Kim: That's… good… I think. How about the account history?

SCP-XXXX-1: According to what I have here, the last reported incident was [Unintelligible], or 14 Earth years ago.

Researcher Kim: What was the incident?

SCP-XXXX-1: Just a small error in the material composition of a drone in [Unintelligible], roughly [Unintelligible] light years off the [Unintelligible] side of planet Earth.

Researcher Kim: I'm sorry, which side?

SCP-XXXX-1: The [Unintelligible] side, according to what I have here.

Researcher Kim: Ah. Perfect.

SCP-XXXX-1: Is there anything else I can do for you at this time, Shei?

Researcher Kim: I… uh… no, I think I'm all set.

SCP-XXXX-1: Awesome. Please call again if something comes up, and you have yourself a great [Unintelligible].

The line disconnects.

Addendum 03: First Scripted Call

After the initial call with SCP-XXXX-1, a test script was coordinated, with the goal being to extrapolate information from SCP-XXXX-1 without giving away the fact that Researcher Kim was unaware of its purpose.

SCP-XXXX is entered into the terminal and the Automated Response sequence is completed, after which the line connects to SCP-XXXX-1.

SCP-XXXX-1: Hello, my name is The Crimson Horror, but you can call me David. How are we today?

Researcher Kim: Hello David, it's Shei from a few days ago, remember me?

SCP-XXXX-1: Of course, what can I do for you Shei?

Researcher Kim: Well, I actually wanted to report an issue.

SCP-XXXX-1: What seems to be the problem?

Researcher Kim: I've got a drone here that doesn't seem to be functioning correctly.

SCP-XXXX-1: Is the material composition misconfigured, or is it another matter-oriented issue?

Researcher Kim: Yep, the material composition is misconfigured, exactly right.

SCP-XXXX-1: Sounds good, let me locate the drone. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you are in the third dimensional plane of your planet, yes?

Researcher Kim: That… is correct, yes.

SCP-XXXX-1: Alright, let me just switch over to a polar view then.

Various electronic and fantasy-adjacent noises can be heard for less than a second.

SCP-XXXX-1: Okay, Shei, would you please use your known form of spacial reasoning to direct me towards the drone?

Researcher Kim: I… uh… like, its location?

SCP-XXXX-1: Yes, "lo-cay-shun", I always forget that that's what you call it. Please convey its lo-cay-shun as best you can.

Researcher Kim: Okay it's… I'm at uhh… 40°02'42.4"N 75°23'23.6"W.

SCP-XXXX-1: Alright, Shei, the system has "lo-cay-shunned" the drone, but it doesn't seem to have any issues with it. Would you mind repeating what's wrong with it?

Researcher Kim: Well, the drone won't start, so I assumed there was an issue with its material-composition, like the other one.

SCP-XXXX-1: Are you referring to the drone we discussed in our other conversation? That one functioned as intended, but it had a universal material imbalance.

Researcher Kim: Do you think you could go into that a bit more? What exactly was wrong with it?

SCP-XXXX-1: Well, its [Unintelligible] was [Unintelligible]. It should have been [Unintelligible], but for some reason, it had a [Unintelligible]. I believe you call it a "Helium".

Researcher Kim: I'm sorry, I don't understand.

SCP-XXXX-1: You don't? Well, you must at least know its [Unintelligible], right? Otherwise I don't know how you would have known to call me.

Researcher Kim: I unfortunately do not.

The line is silent for almost a minute. Faint, unintelligible whispering can be heard in the background.

Researcher Kim: Hello? David, are you there?

SCP-XXXX-1: Thank you so much for waiting Shei, we'll be with you momentarily.

The line is silent for another minute.

SCP-XXXX-1: Alright Shei, so sorry about that, unfortunately there's nothing I can do for you at this time. In order to rectify this issue, you'll need to bring your drone to a "lo-cay-shun" and have it manually inspected. Thank you so much for calling, I hope you have a great day!

The line goes dead.