George Gerard VonGently
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2/XXXX LEVEL 2/XXXX
CLASSIFIED
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Item #: SCP-XXXX
Euclid

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SCP-XXXX in temporary containment.


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within Site-96's vehicle storage in a private booth. Interactions with SCP-XXXX-1 are to be monitored and personnel are not permitted to purchase any items it may claim to have.


Description: SCP-XXXX is a standard-sized Conestoga wagon composed of oak wood and covered in a white cotton sheet. It is capable of self-locomotion and steering. No apparent path has been discovered through observation, although it remains within the Gulf Coast of the United States and will not enter metropolitan areas.

The storage area is empty, save for the skeletal remains of a human male and a grey, three-piece suit with the matching bowler hat and necktie. Notably, the skull has a cartoonish handlebar mustache drawn on it with a black marker.

Upon SCP-XXXX crossing paths with a human, SCP-XXXX will come to a stop and the skeleton, henceforth SCP-XXXX-1 will reform, animate, and clothe itself. Following its formation, SCP-XXXX-1, now self-identifying as "George Gerard VonGently," will exit the wagon and attempt to sell items to the individual that activated it. SCP-XXXX-1 is capable of physical movement, speech, and sapient thought despite lacking the necessary organs.

How the products are acquired is unknown, as they instantly materialize within the storage area after SCP-XXXX-1 claims to be in possession of them. The payment requested by SCP-XXXX-1 depends on the type of item, ranging from mundane currency to more esoteric requests such as a childhood memento, exotic animal furs, and Mesopotamian shekels.

Update (17/01/21): For a two-day period in January, SCP-XXXX-1 did not animate when activated, and since that period, the only wares SCP-XXXX-1 is able or willing to sell is a set of six colored gemstones (red, orange, yellow, blue, indigo, and violet respectively) with various anomalous properties. In an effort to study these stones, Researcher Denton Corey conducted a number of interviews with SCP-XXXX-1 about the nature of the gemstones.

Addendum 01 - Red Gem

Addendum 02 - Orange Gem

Suddenly, the orange gem begins expanding at an alarming rate, extending crystalline structures of every color from its core, and stabbing outwards, creating a multicolored shell around itself. As the mass grows and morphs, it levitates above the ground. The room begins to shake as the lights flicker and dim. Before long, what was once the orange gem has become a shambling, indescribable being of pure crystal and darkness. It extends a limb made of pure, infinite blackness and begins to caress Researcher Corey’s face.

Researcher Corey: (visibly distressed) Mr. VonGently… what… the fuck… is happening?

SCP-XXXX-1: Look at the shimmer on that beauty. Hold a glass up to that, pure Bassilican Quartzite1. A steal at four thousand and seventy dollars, plus shipping.

Orange Gem: I will break this one into pieces so miniscule that the universe will have no choice but to expel it. Its mind will shrivel and wash away into the cosmos like the waves of the great ocean itself. This I can promise.

Researcher Corey: Oh god… oh god VonGently.. am I going to die?

SCP-XXXX-1: Don’t be so dramatic, this is a quality piece of work.

Researcher Corey begins to weep softly as the crystalline nightmare continues poking at his skin with fluid black tendrils.

SCP-XXXX-1: Fine, fine, you got me. So it’s sliiiiiightly overvalued. But come on, look at the craftsmanship, you’d never be able to tell. Two thousand, final offer.

Addendum 03 - Yellow Gem

Addendum 04 - Green Gem

Addendum 04 - Blue Gem

Addendum 05 - Indigo Gem

Addendum 01 - Violet Gem