Ihp's first SMLT Box

Surprise Mechanics

Item #: SCP-xxxx

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures:'

Description: SCP-XXXX are anomalous crates which can be purchased following registration on the website rockville.███. Currently, the only accessible functions of rockville.███ are the ability to register an account, and the ability to purchase SCP-XXXX instances for a sum of between $200 for a pair of SCP-XXXX, and $10,000 for 150 instances.

SCP-XXXX instances manifest near individuals who have registered accounts at rockville.███ by falling out of the nearest available space which something is theoretically capable of falling from. To date, this has included the sky, several air vents at Site-21, an overturned bag of popcorn, and Dr. Milligan's right ear. Each SCP-XXXX instance is accompanied by a kevlar parachute, which bears four stylized "96"es at four points towards the bottom of the cloth. The dye in these numbers contain radioactive isotopes that cause them to glow, but have a short enough half-life that the glow dissipates within 48 hours.

Opening an SCP-XXXX instance will reveal either five or six different items, regardless of the interior dimensions. Each of these items is stamped with 96 stylized in a manner identical to the parachute in one of seven colors, corresponding to the quality and rarity of the item. Gray indicates a low-quality and common item, followed by blue, yellow, pink, red, gold, and black. Gold-rarity items are the highest non-anomalous quality.

Items found within SCP-XXXX instances include:

  • Seeds, including corn, wheat and tomato seeds; seeds have only germinated in 2.5% of cases. Gray rating only.
  • Bottles of potable water. Gray rating or higher.
  • Clothing, with the exact make appearing to vary depending on the current climate; winter clothing and insulated shoes were dispensed when SCP-XXXX instances were ordered in the winter, while warm-weather camouflage wear was delivered in the middle of a heatwave. Gray rating or higher, with the quality increasing the higher the rating.
  • Tinderboxes, matches and other firemaking equipment. Gray rating or higher.
  • MRE Packets, containing large amounts of protein and sodium, as well as an opioid cocktail, which triggers an addiction response. Gray rating or higher.
  • First aid materials, evidently meant for treating gunshot and animal wounds, as well as radiation poisoning. Blue rating or higher.
  • Various bladed or blunt instruments, such as sledgehammers and carving knives, evidently meant for use as weapons. Yellow rating or higher; the lower the rating, the more fragile the implement.
  • Literature printed on edible paper, typically in the form of survivalist literature, including guides on water filtration, foraging, lockpicking, hacking computers that are running the "Doors '89" operating system, and methods of quickly executing enemies while remaining unseen. Information is often impractical and incorrect. Blue rating or higher; for an excerpt of a copy of "Larceny and Lockpicking for Losers", see addendum.
  • Antibiotic medications, including amoxicillin, clarithromycin, and [REDACTED], an experimental antibiotic currently under development by the pharmaceutical company ██████. Red rating or higher.
  • A circuit board with a DVI input jack. Plugging this item into a computer with a DVI input allows the user full access to all files and settings on that device as long as the circuit is plugged in. Red or gold rating; red-rating examples of this item are single-use, while gold-rating examples have five uses. After all uses are expended, the item short-circuits when unplugged.
  • Firearms, including pistols, shotguns, automatic rifles, and flamethrowers; in one case, an SCP-3xxx-1 instance produced an RPG-7 launcher, which was rendered non-functional after a single firing and could not be repaired. Gold rating only.

Out of over 5,000 SCP-XXXX instances that have been opened, sixteen have contained a sixth item with a black rarity stamp. These items are designated SCP-XXXX-A. For a detailed list of SCP-XXXX-A instances, see addendum.

Addendum: Excerpt from "Larceny and Lockpicking for Losers":

Most locks within Jefferson1 can be cracked open with a simple screwdriver and a paperclip. To do so, you simply have to un-bend the paperclip and stick it in, then jiggle it around some until it's open. This shouldn't take more than thirty seconds.

If you encounter a combination safe, just shoot it. A pistol should do the trick, but a shotgun loaded with radium slugs might be necessary to get through some of the heftier ones.*

*Shelter-Tech2 is not responsible for injuries caused by this method of lockpicking.

Addendum: Detailed list of SCP-XXXX-A instances:

SCP-XXXX-A1: A bandanna which, when worn on the head, allows the user to jump indefinitely without touching the ground. However, the bandanna does not compensate for the eventual impact. The effect appears to be intensified proportional to the amount of blood saturating it.

SCP-XXXX-A2: A bottle of Bawls soft drink, "Uranium Fever" flavored. Consumption of this item led to D-8427 becoming impervious to harm for 24 hours. An item of the same flavor was dispensed from SCP-261 in late 2018, but lacks the anomalous properties.

SCP-XXXX-A3: A large female hermit crab, approximately one meter in height. Exhibits a mild cognitohazard, wherein all individuals observing it directly will refer to it as "Mary Mire".

SCP-XXXX-A4: A hat styled after a pinata. When worn, blood lost by the wearer would take on the appearance (though not the taste or texture) of wrapped hard candies.

SCP-XXXX-A5: A set of male clothing styled in the fashion of a stereotypical 1950s husband. Wearing the full outfit causes an irremovable tobacco pipe to manifest in the right corner of the wearer's mouth, and compels the wearer to randomly end sentences with "Sport" or "kiddo".

SCP-XXXX-A6: A pair of male boxers with a heart pattern. When worn by themselves, it users are incapable of reaching terminal velocity when falling, and will always land unharmed, regardless of the height they fell from.

SCP-XXXX-A7: An entire nuclear bomb, similar to the make of the Fat Man munition dropped in 1945, bearing writing in Chinese. Disassembled and disposed of.

Addendum: Rockville Quest System: In June of 2019, over three dozen SCP-XXXX instances spontaneously appeared throughout Site-21, in spite of no purchases being made. The rockville.com