JSbox ᙧ

http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-12825598/fireworks-for-a-friend-working-title#post-4444464

It is time.

SCP-4657 is a wooden box with dimensions of 15 x 12x 15 cm. Its surface shows signs of mild degradation.

These two sentences could be combined: "SCP-4657 is a mildly degraded wooden box with dimensions of 15 x 12x 15 cm." could be one way to do this and get rid of some unnecessary words. Also there's a slight inconsistency of the spacing in the "x"s.


Concept-wise, there is a good concept at play here, but the way it's presented, to me at least, gave away too much of what's going on too early. During the first addendum, I pretty much immediately picked up one what the narrative of this is, which made reading the discovery log pretty repetitive, because I've already inferred most of what's being said.

In a way, just making the fireworks spell out "Will you go out with me?" instead of the entire note might allow the discovery log to reveal more in this way, with alterations to other parts of the SCP to account for the change of course. This is one possible way to make this work better, and make it less rely on what amounts to a note that explains away a good chunk of it.

There are other ways to make this "reveal" better, but that's the main way I can think of at the moment. Overall, the concept is good, but it could be tightened up much better in terms of delivery.