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Document recovered from Location of Interest within Three Portlands by UIU operatives, conceded to MTF Lambda-14 to aid in further investigations on GoI-116 (The Ambrose Restaurant) by the Foundation.


Derby Dash Dumplings:
Contains eight dumplings, each chosen by one of Three Portlands' home derby teams!
Jurassic Paté:
Crushed dino liver direct from the city's Jurassic Quarter! (Half price during Allosaur infestations)
Seance Soup:
Our famous blue soup can have you dining with your relatives, even if you've never seen them alive! Only one serving per person, ghost dining menu available on request.
UIU Signature:
A thaumaturgically enhanced plate of cheese and crackers, perfect to accompany witness interrogations!
A Healthy Salad:
It may look like a pile of warm veg, but thanks to innovations by a local anartist, it'll taste exactly like a cheeseburger!
Deer College Deer:
A hearty venison steak, available for delivery on campus!
Fish and Chips:
Celebrate the British heritage of Three Portlands with this classic dish. Choices of fish from at least three realities, depending on day to day availability.
ICSUT Dinner:
Changes weekly, ask your server!
Oily Salmon Pie:
Greasy fish in fluffy pastry. Oils the joins of Anderson robots and Mekanite augmentations!
Ghost of Prometheus:
Special sauce spaghetti, based on developments by the late Prometheus Labs food tech division!
Conceptual Curry:
Like the shark that inspired its creation, this dish is the pure concept of a madras curry! Zero calories, and entirely transparent, ask your waiter to add it to another dish.
Chef's Choice:
Changes weekly, ask your server!
Easter Frog's Eggs:
Rendered safe to eat by freezing and boiling, this delicious chocolate-like treat can be enjoyed year-round!
Midnight Cotton Candy:
A dark treat, sure to tickle your insides! Exclusively available at all of our restaurants thanks to The Circus of the Disquieting, the Greatest Show in all the Worlds!
Rainy Day Souffle:
Otherwise known as the everyday souffle, this chocolate and cheese combo dish is perfect for Three Portlands weather!


Customer Reviews: Three Portlands


Great place to eat with a good selection of food!

Good to finally have a fixed place to eat that doesn't change what part of the city it's in every other day!


I've spent a couple of enjoyable evenings here, the changing menu items are interesting, but I feel like using actual self-modifying menus would improve it a lot.


I didn't like the waiter's face.


The atmosphere is really down to earth, which is really tricky to pull off hear! Great! Five Stars!


Food was good, but about half way through our meal some anophiliac ran at our table and tried to stuff his dick into our drinks.


Place was crawling with security golems and UIUseless. Managed to have an enjoyable enough meal, but I was constantly on edge.


Some guy came in just as we were leaving, and started yelling about how he was gonna get the Foundation involved for what this place did to him. Doesn't he know they have no say in ThreePorts?


I had a great meal with the family, everyone said their meals were excellent! I had the pie, and have noticed my central gears turn much smoother now!


There was a sale on, and the owner himself cooked for us! Only downside was the ongoing rampage in the city, but that's hardly this place's fault.

…It wasn't, right?


Fuck you.

Images are taken from Wikimedia Commons, copyright "David" (for the dumplings) and "El Pantera" (for the venison)
image for Easter Frog's Eggs taken from SCP-1325, no original author found.