rockteethmotheyes:in-progress-crit

Review Queue:
Ideas


Draft
http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-12209178/beneath-the-surface#post-4307957

Allow me to preface this by saying that while I try to be thorough, I become less likely to comment on flaws if I find that I'm repeating myself. Keep this in mind as we go further.

Now, let us begin.

[[collapsible show="+[Line-by-Line Critique] Click to Access" hide="-[Click to Hide Text]"]]
> SCP-XXXX is an entity of extra-dimensional origin, capable of causing extensive damage to sentient beings in its vicinity.^^1^^.

You've left your punctuation outside of your footnote.
------
> Communication with SCP-XXXX is possible through short-range telepathy, however, prolonged mental exposure

The first comma could be a period, as it begins a new clause afterwards.

As for the obsolete portion of this, I'm noticing that some of the information i stuff we already know from the beginning. Maybe find a way to distinguish new information so that we aren't reading stuff we know already? Just a thought.
------
> but there's gotta be something there, eldritch horrors don't just exist to not do anything.

Same deal here. The stuff after the comma is its own clause, so the comma should be a period.

> I've been working on a… device.

This leads me to believe that the notes are being recorded vocally rather than written down. I think some distinction on that would be helpful here, as no one just writes an ellipsis in a personal journal.
------
I do //not// like the pink here. It's difficult to read without having to strain to my eyes. Can't say I care for the threat level either, as it seems largely unnecessary. In fact, between the pink text and the strikethrough, this is painful to read.
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="+[Overall] Click to Access" hide="-[Click to Hide Text]"]]
If I understand your concept, it's an entity that is built on layers of identity, starting with Bennett, moving to Benjamin, and then to the core of it being SCP-XXXX. That's probably not it, but thats what I gathered based on a few key parts, such as "concentric" and "in that order". It's a neat little concept, and god damn it is hard to know if I got it right or was even close. And because of that, I can't really find myself being satisfied by that.

There is a strange tone to this article. I think it's because I'm used to small expository prefaces that you see in normal articles, like how the anomaly is recovered or when the interviews are taking place. This doesn't have any of that, and its strange how much it changes the general tone of the piece from a clinical document to a collection of loose documents. I don't know if I like it, but I find it interesting.

With that said, I don't think this format screw is doing it for me. I only barely understand what you are going for here, and the weirdness and blatant disregard for the format towards the end don't carry the article much further for me.

As it is, I'd be likely to downvote this if it were on the main list. I can't in good faith bring myself to upvote something I don't understand, and the amount of time I've spent reading it to get to an ending just to be confused isn't a good mark.
[[/collapsible]]

Good luck.

http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-12231421/scp-floridaman-j#post-4308123



Requests:






Boilerplates

Site Crit: Justify Votes

[[*user ]], when you post something to the main site, there are two phrases that you acknowledge before posting:

> **Did you get feedback first?**

> It is your responsibility to post only finished, final work. **Site members are not required to justify or explain their votes.**

The wiki isn't short of resources to improve your work before posting. The following links are for your consideration in the future:

* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/c-89000/help:ideas-and-brainstorming Ideas & Brainstorming forums] to get your concept checked and **##green|greenlit##**, that of which you can find more about [http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-10629348/new-draft-forum-policies here]. This should be your first step.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/c-50864/help:drafts-and-critiques Drafts & Critique forums] to seek reviews on drafts before going to the main site. Note that you need two greenlights if you are  first-time author, that of which you can find more about [http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-10629348/new-draft-forum-policies here].
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/how-to-write-an-scp How To Write An SCP page] to review the basics.
* The [[[clinical-tone-declassified | Clinical Tone Declassified]]] page can help you nail that tone needed for a successful article.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/butterfly-squad-roster Butterfly Squad] are dedicated reviewers and can help you flesh out your ideas and strengthen your drafts.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/chat-guide IRC chatrooms] to seek out live critique, if that's more your speed.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/yourjouney-part-1 This in-depth guide] on writing your first SCP.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/things-what-do-a-thing-an-essay-on-things This essay on generic items] and how they succeed and fail.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/so-you-want-to-write-a-humanoid-scp-object This essay on humanoid SCP objects] and how to make them real.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/essays-by-a-hack-terror This essay on terror] and how the familiar can be scary.

Site Crit: Disclaimer

[[collapsible show="+[Critique] Click to Access" hide="-[Click to Hide Text]"]]

[[/collapsible]]

[[size smaller]]**Disclaimer:** //Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to [[*user RockTeethMothEyes]] or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team, [[*user SoullessSingularity]], for any questions or concerns relating to this review.//[[/size]]
*

General: Delete posts

Staff only delete posts that contain severe rule-breaking content. This is to hold users accountable to their actions. If you like, you may still edit the post to be "ignore" or "disregard" or something to that effect by using the edit function located under "Options" in the lower right of every post.




Stuff That Happens:
Zyn types fast: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-9108924/ask-the-person-above-you-a-question-part-ix#post-4087314


djkaktus comments a tale: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-7780094/rounderhouse-s-author-page#post-4242410


Tufto says yes: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-11638163/scp-4465#post-4243872


Kalinin laments titles in 2019:


I lament titles during Collab-Con2019


Jazstar calls dibs


N_Aepic_Fael calculates dado's taxes: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-12182600/scp-4176#post-4297575