rockteethmotheyes:in-progress-crit

Review Queue:
Ideas
http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-12321938/a-mammoth-from-an-alternate-reality#post-4331946

http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-12322645/hateful-poem#post-4331956

Draft
http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-12315133/the-worst-calculator-ever-seeking-final-go-ahead#post-4332044

Allow me to preface this by saying that though I try to be thorough, if I catch myself repeating the same thing over and over, I will become less likely to comment on those recurring flaws. Keep this in mind as we go further.

Now, let us begin.

[[collapsible show="+[Line-by-Line Critique] Click to Access" hide="-[Click to Hide Text]"]]
> SCP-DECI is to be kept in a standard locker in site █, referred to as site Mambo when discussing this object.

To avoid blackboxing here, and to just generally condense this, just refer to it as "Site-Mambo". You already set a precedent that numbers aren't going to be used, so why take the extra step there?

> The locker’s door must be painted a distinct shade of pink (color code #facade, see document SCP-DECI-REF for details).

Similarly, why even mention the color code? Most people aren't going to tell one pink from another. Most people would probably assume it is the only bright pink locker.

Furthermore, reading forward, this paint comes up more often later in the procedures. Consider moving this with the last paragraphs of your conprocs for consistency.

> --It is also recommended that before finishing their shift, personnel take an elementary mathematics skill assessment. Individual scores will be used to determine if any lingering effects of SCP-DECI exposure remain. This is not compulsory for the first fortnight.--

Strikethrough usually signifies that the information is invalid. Why keep invalid information in the containment procedures? Consider whether you really need this.
------
> SCP-DECI resembles a standard Casio calculator, though the exact model is unclear.

Is it not a calculator? If it isn't, then what is it? If it is, you don't need to say that it resembles one.

> SCP-DECI was retrieved from a pond on the grounds of █████ High School, NSW after the school made local news due to one year having all students of Year █ completely fail a mathematics test.

First, blackboxes aren't exactly "simile or metaphor". If you intend to continue to use blackboxes, you may want to rewrite your containment procedures to state "symbols" as well. Also, You can state the Year number if you write it out, per your own logic.

Second, and this might be more of a style choice, but I prefer to have what the anomaly is and does as close to the top of the description as possible. That way, you get the important stuff out of the way. Retrieval can wait a little bit. Just something to think about.

> So far, the SCP has been shown to tamper with:

I have a pet peeve of referring to anomalous objects, entities, events, and phenomenon as "the SCP". It's probably fine within the context of this work, since you can't numerically designate it, but you can call them a lot of things.

> English text of numbers

Well, that's an issue, since earlier in the document there is ##blue|one## year. Consider whether you actually need to a specify a time the incident occurred.

> However, increased exposure can cause the target to lose all ability to correctly calculate, count, write or read numbers in any situation. Effects dissipate after spending time away from SCP-DECI.

Feels like these two sentences are in the wrong order.

> 
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="+[Overall] Click to Access" hide="-[Click to Hide Text]"]]

[[/collapsible]]




Requests:






Boilerplates

Site Crit: Justify Votes

[[*user ]], when you post something to the main site, there are two phrases that you acknowledge before posting:

> **Did you get feedback first?**

> It is your responsibility to post only finished, final work. **Site members are not required to justify or explain their votes.**

The wiki isn't short of resources to improve your work before posting. The following links are for your consideration in the future:

* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/c-89000/help:ideas-and-brainstorming Ideas & Brainstorming forums] to get your concept checked and **##green|greenlit##**, that of which you can find more about [http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-10629348/new-draft-forum-policies here]. This should be your first step.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/c-50864/help:drafts-and-critiques Drafts & Critique forums] to seek reviews on drafts before going to the main site. Note that you need two greenlights if you are  first-time author, that of which you can find more about [http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-10629348/new-draft-forum-policies here].
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/how-to-write-an-scp How To Write An SCP page] to review the basics.
* The [[[clinical-tone-declassified | Clinical Tone Declassified]]] page can help you nail that tone needed for a successful article.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/butterfly-squad-roster Butterfly Squad] are dedicated reviewers and can help you flesh out your ideas and strengthen your drafts.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/chat-guide IRC chatrooms] to seek out live critique, if that's more your speed.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/yourjouney-part-1 This in-depth guide] on writing your first SCP.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/things-what-do-a-thing-an-essay-on-things This essay on generic items] and how they succeed and fail.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/so-you-want-to-write-a-humanoid-scp-object This essay on humanoid SCP objects] and how to make them real.
* [http://www.scp-wiki.net/essays-by-a-hack-terror This essay on terror] and how the familiar can be scary.

Site Crit: Disclaimer

[[collapsible show="+[Critique] Click to Access" hide="-[Click to Hide Text]"]]

[[/collapsible]]

[[size smaller]]**Disclaimer:** //Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to [[*user RockTeethMothEyes]] or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team, [[*user SoullessSingularity]], for any questions or concerns relating to this review.//[[/size]]
*

General: Delete posts

Staff only delete posts that contain severe rule-breaking content. This is to hold users accountable to their actions. If you like, you may still edit the post to be "ignore" or "disregard" or something to that effect by using the edit function located under "Options" in the lower right of every post.




Stuff That Happens:
Zyn types fast: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-9108924/ask-the-person-above-you-a-question-part-ix#post-4087314


djkaktus comments a tale: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-7780094/rounderhouse-s-author-page#post-4242410


Tufto says yes: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-11638163/scp-4465#post-4243872


Kalinin laments titles in 2019:


I lament titles during Collab-Con2019


Jazstar calls dibs


N_Aepic_Fael calculates dado's taxes: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-12182600/scp-4176#post-4297575