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Threat Level: Black

Sexual Conservatism Protocols: The Sexual Conservatism Protectorate Overwatch Command has voted, 12-0-0, to affirm the following truths:

  • SCP-06000 represents a grave and immediate threat to consensus decency.
  • As a consequence of SCP-06000's actions, a UM-Class Undressed Masquerade scenario has occurred.
  • SCP-06000 cannot be contained by the Protectorate, and must be destroyed.

All personnel are to submit to regular Clive Counter screenings. Personnel exhibiting higher than normal Shapiro levels1 are to be subjected to a Class-A Cold Shower and transferred to a low-risk project.

All MTFs, with the exception of Mobile Trad Force Epsilon ("Cold Showers in the Dark"), have been tasked with reestablishing decency within significant population centers. Of particular attention are areas controlled by SCP-06000's numerous proxy forces, including Groups of Intercourse -490 (Adytum's Orgy), -952 (Olney Leatherworks), and -1590 (Just Bimbo Things); appropriate trad forces are to be allocated accordingly.

MTF-ε has been tasked with reaching SCP-06000's lair and decommissioning it. To this end, MTF-ε has been equipped with 378.541 liters of napalm and a Chrysler PT Cruiser.

Description: SCP-06000 appears to be a semitic female in her late 20s; however, such a description is derived from its own propaganda, as no Protectorate personnel have encountered SCP-06000 without experiencing extensive compromisation.

Through poorly-understood 'pataphysical means, SCP-06000 possesses Class-V Tangokinetic abilities

Thanks to YossipossiYossipossi and The PigheadThe Pighead for inspiring this monstrosity! (also A Random DayA Random Day for helping grok out what 4+ person car had the least sexual energy)