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Unmanned Underwater Vehicle UUV-XXXX, “Charlie”

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Any individual known to have dined at an establishment of the GOI Ambrose Restaurants and consumed any dish containing any of the eight Neolithic founder crops is to be tailed by a Foundation agent pending the subsequent SCP-XXXX event or non-anomalous equivalent.

The anomalous effect of SCP-XXXX is to be countered with the liberal application of potent deodorisers containing telekil particles with a half-life not exceeding 30 minutes. Where an agent is unable to conduct this procedure (ie. on secure private premises) an aquatic drone equipped with a telekil and pomegranate blossom parfum capsule is to be navigated through the local sewage system and around the u-bend, where, upon activation of its integral splash sensor, it will immediately release its floral payload.

Where it is possible to counter SCP-XXXX by simply opening a window or activating an extractor fan in order to ventilate the area, this solution is to be preferred.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a synaesthetically informational faecal odour, resulting from the digestion and defecation of a yet unidentified substance by humans. This substance is suspected to be a novel species of fungus or mould which develops on specific heirloom-variety cereal crops. Research is ongoing.

Following exposure to SCP-XXXX, individuals anomalously recall the acquisition of various farming tips or pieces of agricultural wisdom, often including memetically contagious content in the form of proverbs, adages and the like. This para-mnestic effect commonly assumes the aspect of a false memory involving the reading of an old farming almanac or magazine which the affected individual discovered in the location of exposure. In rare instances affected individuals may instead recall gaining agricultural knowledge via a brief conversation with a stranger occupying an adjacent toilet cubicle, or in a nearby location shortly prior to exposure. The latter outcome is most prevalent where exposure takes place in the toilet of a social location such as a pub, especially in rural areas where such a conversation would be contextually appropriate. Recalled details of any such speaker vary between instances, although it is frequently cited as an elderly female.

Whilst recollections may consist of as little as a skim through a magazine or a few sentences of dialogue, affected individuals thereafter demonstrate an encyclopaedic knowledge of the largely obsolete agricultural practises employed by the early Holocene farming communities of the Fertile Crescent of Southwest Asia, without possessing any awareness of their historical context.